I have been trying to figure out for years why I am rendered completely useless when it comes to making certain decisions, yet I can be insanely successful in other areas of my life.
It’s no secret to those close to me that I have been unable to make progress and make decisions about certain things –
Here is a conversation I had today:
Why have you been unable to make a final decision about moving forward alone and to follow your dreams?
I have no idea, I am just so confused. I feel paralyzed.
What would it take for you to make a decision?
For someone else to do it for me.
When you were in college and moved out of your moms house to move to DC, and she was very angry and made you feel very guilty about it – what made you strong enough to do it then?
I just knew it was something I had to do, and the decision to follow my heart was very strong. At that time I had faith that everything would work out for me and her.
What happened then?
She committed suicide one year later. Ever since then, I have had the “compromise my life dream” just about every night of my life, where in the dream I have decided to move back (while she is still alive) to ensure her happiness, while sacrificing my own.
Duh? I get it.