I spent this past weekend in turmoil about my job situation. I took a new job as a consultant in a VERY small company (7 people) after working in traditional offices (all non-profit organizations) for the past 20 years. This change is HUGE and risky (financially) for me. Once per hour I ask myself “what the heck was I thinking?”.

Being that I am the sole breadwinner for the family, I really must be insane. I gave up the safety for flexibility, creativity, the ability to innovate, and to drive my own destiny. Not to mention I can be here for my kids a lot more. The job just doesn’t come with the supreme benefits I am used to, so I am having to buy my own health insurance (among other things).

Which leads me to my other issue – I am getting turned down for health insurance because my BMI (body mass index) is too high. Basically I can’t get health insurance because I am fat (which is what they are saying). When I got that letter it sent me reeling into self-doubt and a feeling of worthlessness. They just suck. Just because my height-to-weight ratio is not where it needs to be I can not have the insurance I need to stay healthy? Something is wrong with this picture.

So now I am being offered another “safe” job with all the trimmings and I am SO confused! I wish my mom and dad were alive – I could really use some mommy/daddy guidance here. On the other hand, I am 44 and old enough to figure it out, I guess.

Overall I am thankful that I have all of these opportunities – I am fortunate enough to have options, and make a decent living doing it. There is a silver lining here!