What WAS I thinking?

I spent this past weekend in turmoil about my job situation. I took a new job as a consultant in a VERY small company (7 people) after working in traditional offices (all non-profit organizations) for the past 20 years. This change is HUGE and risky (financially) for me. Once per hour I ask myself “what the heck was I thinking?”.

Being that I am the sole breadwinner for the family, I really must be insane. I gave up the safety for flexibility, creativity, the ability to innovate, and to drive my own destiny. Not to mention I can be here for my kids a lot more. The job just doesn’t come with the supreme benefits I am used to, so I am having to buy my own health insurance (among other things).

Which leads me to my other issue – I am getting turned down for health insurance because my BMI (body mass index) is too high. Basically I can’t get health insurance because I am fat (which is what they are saying). When I got that letter it sent me reeling into self-doubt and a feeling of worthlessness. They just suck. Just because my height-to-weight ratio is not where it needs to be I can not have the insurance I need to stay healthy? Something is wrong with this picture.

So now I am being offered another “safe” job with all the trimmings and I am SO confused! I wish my mom and dad were alive – I could really use some mommy/daddy guidance here. On the other hand, I am 44 and old enough to figure it out, I guess.

Overall I am thankful that I have all of these opportunities – I am fortunate enough to have options, and make a decent living doing it. There is a silver lining here!

5 thoughts on “What WAS I thinking?

Add yours

  1. I don’t know want to clutter your blog with a crazy-long comment, so I’ll keep it simple: you can do it!

    I admire you a great deal for taking a risk because it’s the best thing for YOU and the people you love. That’s what important to remember.

    As my mom likes to say, if you’re “solution oriented,” I truly believe the other stuff will fall into place. Just keep taking care of you 🙂

  2. I don’t know want to clutter your blog with a crazy-long comment, so I’ll keep it simple: you can do it!

    I admire you a great deal for taking a risk because it’s the best thing for YOU and the people you love. That’s what important to remember.

    As my mom likes to say, if you’re “solution oriented,” I truly believe the other stuff will fall into place. Just keep taking care of you 🙂

  3. Susan

    You are such a talented person! I have seen you motivate so many in the right direction. You are smart, creative, thoughtful and a great “people-person.”

    I am backing you and your talents!

    Margaret

  4. Susan-
    I feel that way nearly every day too. But I keep reminding myself that something that is not risky is probably not worth doing. Yes, risky is scary. And every day is a challenge, but taking on new adventures and doing new things is what keeps us growing and changing. You’ll be a better person for it.

    BTW, I like your blog so much, I am meme-ing you.

    Here are rules:

    1) Link to the person who tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
    2) Share 7 facts about yourself.
    3) Tag 7 random people and include links to their blogs.
    4) Let each person know they have been tagged and comment on their blog.

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