Into the fantastic

Dear Mom –

It has been a very long time since I wrote. Life these past few months has become an overwhelming mix of mush. When this happens, I climb back into my hole of denial and try not to connect with what I am thinking or feeling. I am smart enough to know that this is bad. I have been taking steps recently to come out of this, early morning walks, opening up to my friends, making myself get out of the house, and now writing things down.  Sometimes just the thought of writing any of this down is overwhelming. But then I become even more unhappy for not letting this all out and dealing with it. I am on the verge of something big and I know it.

I joined a yoga center this week. She told my that my heart was heavy. No shit.

Through this all I still feel extremely thankful for so many things. I am thankful because I know that I am about to make huge changes in my life. I am thankful because I know that I am about to receive what I have wanted for so long. All I have to do is get rid of the fear and self-doubt and it will come clear. I just know it.

I am scared, excited, and nervous all at the same time.

Why should I be afraid?

I am about to take the plunge and move away from the familiar into the fantastic. I know you would be proud.

I miss you.

 Love Susan

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