life is crazy

Well, it’s been a very long time since I posted here. Life has been a rollercoaster as of late and the best I can do is hang on for the ride. The question I keep running through my head is “do I blog the heck out of this or do I save all of my energy for just hanging on?” For the past few weeks I have been just hanging on.

I am going to try to summarize things as much as possible, and then move on. I am just not the kind of person to dwell on the obstacles – I would rather focus what energy I have left over on all of the things I really want to be doing …

Recent (mis)happenings
My husband of 15 years is in rehab, finally. He is a great person but through all these years we have not really had the relationship we should have had (for the alcohol reason and more) and now I fear it is too late. At least he is getting help and there is hope for us to be friends and he can be better-engaged with his children who need him so very much. My 8 year-old daughter has been having adult-sized anxiety attacks to the point that I have had to take a leave of absence from work to help her work through it, and so that she will go to school and go outside to play. We are getting some outside help and she is on the up & up and slowly she is beginning to be that beautiful little girl that I know. My 14 year old son is disconnected, complacent, failing out of the 9th grade, and (I think) depressed. I am taking him to see somebody for help, but he says he doesn’t need it and that he is just lazy. He is a very sensitive, kind-hearted and insightful young man and I just want to see that spark come back in his eyes. Someone once told me that you are only as happy as your happiest child. Sometimes I think this is really very true.

Walking Catastrophes
Between driving everyone to various appointments, I am trying to train for my Out of the Darkness walk, which is in TWO WEEKS!!!! I am walking 20 miles from dusk until dawn to raise money for the American Foundation for the Prevention of Suicide (AFSP). I have been trying to train as much as I can given the circumstances but have had a few setbacks – including tendinitis in my right knee, and severe pain in the ball of my feet when I hit the 2 mile mark. I am on my third podiatrist and I think I am finally getting the help I need. They gave me a big old nasty shot of numbing medicine in the ball of my foot the other day (which, by the way, was extremely unpleasant). That afternoon I was able to walk 6 miles pain free! And it was SO easy!!!! Why can’t I just walk with no pain? I really love my walks – and I realize now why they are so difficult for me. I will keep walking nonetheless. I love walking in the woods, around the lake, near Mt. Vernon – all of these things have helped me keep my head in a good place. If anyone is interested in donating to this cause, here is the link: Donate to Team Lumos

Meanwhile, back at the ranch
I need a new roof, and new tires, and new doors – which is cutting in to the money I have saved for my kitchen remodeling (of course I bought an LCD tv too, but I have no buyers remorse from that). So I am frustrated. I will have to save it back up – at least we are all here and healthy. The nieces are coming back in June, along with Naima – who lives in France. So we will have three young folks (ages 17-22) in the house for a few weeks, and they will be coming to the beach with us in June. It’s nice having them around – they provide extra conversation and interaction with my 14 year old, and entertainment for my 8 year old. Also, it’s nice to have someone to talk to. I realize more and more that I do miss having an adult companion to spend time chatting with. Let’s just leave that for another blog post.

Work, work and more work
I have been just hanging on with work. Thank goodness they are very family friendly and very supportive – but I don’t feel good about my job right now because I am unable to do my best. This too is messing with my head. I am trying to get back on track, because more than ever I need stability – and I need to be able to provide for my family. I am on the road to getting back on track, with the help of my wonderful colleagues – so I am feeling a bit better about things. I am also about to begin a professional blog about technology, the web, making a difference, society, culture, and how non-profits and educators are making a difference using technology. I will provide updates as I make progress.

That’s it for now. I am tired from just reading this post but there you have it. Now we can go back to writing about fun stuff – like all of the Harry Potter festivities getting ready to happen this summer, home renovations, planning my trip to Scotland in ’08, and more.

Peace.