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Life: Version 2.0

happiness is a simple life

On failure and being a whole person

mans-hand-is-trying-to-reach-the-sun

Failure is pain. It bruises our pride and our ego, and pokes holes in the image we have worked so hard to create… it disappoints. Failure shows that we are vulnerable and imperfect beings.

No one likes to fail.

In all honesty, I have failed miserably – and on more than one occasion. Failed projects, relationships, jobs, managing finances, Marie Kondo tidying, diets, interviews and much, much more. As I read this I cringe because I sound like such a loser. These are things I would usually not admit during job interviews, first dates, or on my resume – even in regular conversations with others because under no account should anyone know who we really are…

Or should they?

I was recently very inspired by Johannes Haushofer, an assistant professor of psychology and public affairs at Princeton University, who shared his resume of failures (after going viral on the Internet) – where he inventoried all of the the things that didn’t work out for him.

Haushofer lists to all of the things that didn’t happen for him (professionally). Refreshingly honest and authentic, he says  “Most of what I try fails, but these failures are often invisible, while the successes are visible…I have noticed that this sometimes gives others the impression that most things work out for me. As a result, they are more likely to attribute their own failures to themselves, rather than the fact that the world is stochastic, applications are crapshoots, and selection committees and referees have bad days.”

He shows up as a whole person. And I like whole people.

Contrary to popular belief, people who have never failed are not superior than those who have. Do we really want to hire someone who has never failed over someone who has?  Resilience and resourcefulness arise from failure – how can we truly know about the stuff we are made of if it has never been put to the test?

In her famous TED talk, J.K. Rowling  tells the story that only after having failed multiple times, did she have to the clarity and focus to do something really amazing – because for her “Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential”. She went on to influence an entire generation by writing one of the most popular series of books ever written.

Many of us spend our entire lives in fear of failure, and most organizations do not have a culture and process that acknowledges failure as a possibility, or as a learning opportunity.  I was lucky to have a leader and mentor early in my career who helped me when I failed, taught me how  to learn from it and move forward – and ultimately to help others when they fall.

Instead, many companies invest a tremendous amount of energy working to prevent failure. I am not saying that we should do everything we can to fail, I am saying that we should work towards amazing outcomes rather putting all of our energy towards preventing failure.

Ask yourself.

Do you want to accomplish amazing things? Or do you want to simply not fail?

Even if you put your best foot forward and still fail, it’s best to own it, walk through it, and spend time with it. Showing up as a whole person and owning both your accomplishments AND your failures makes for greatness.

Because in the end, the real test of your success isn’t whether you win — it’s how you respond when you don’t.

Aaron Orendorff

More articles on failure:

What really matters at work

Working with great people. Coming up with great ideas. Working together on projects. Accomplishing big and small tasks, together. Solving problems. Learning new things. Helping others. Figuring sh*t out. Inspiring each other. Navigating obstacles. Contributing to a purpose outside of yourself. Making someone else’s day brighter.

Together, being better that we were yesterday. I think that sums it up.

reflection

 

Dear Life: Thank you for

2012-10-26 16.41.47
Mountain Road in Virgina

Inspiring people. Fabulous shoes. Birds in the morning. The promise of spring. Mountain roads. Great wine. Music that gives me goosebumps.

Hell yeah.

Attitude Adjustment

universeI’ve never had much patience for people who are focused on the wrong things.

People tend to “lose the plot” quite regularly and I had this happen to me again last week at work. All I want to do at work is accomplish amazing things, be super impactful, have fun, and get a lot done.  Is that too much to ask?

I have a super-demanding job, where what I am responsible for would be in the hands of 3 different people in any other organization. I don’t mind this  because I really believe in the mission of my organization. In order to be effective though, I require some things in return: flexibility of work hours, locations, and the creative freedom simply to do great things using approaches that work for me.

Now I am a reasonable person, and understand that there is a give-and-take, but I get extremely frustrated when rules are in place that have nothing to do with supporting creativity, innovation, and what employees need in order to deliver amazing results.

I feel like my spirit was squashed last week when I was told that I had to adhere to certain guidelines about being in the office. I live very far from where I work and the commute is exhausting. Now I knew that when I took the job, but this has had an impact on my energy and time that I did not plan for. I simply cannot deliver at the level I have been when adhering to these rules, and it makes me sad.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for this opportunity and the great work that we do.  The projects and initiatives we are working on are truly transformative, but it is 2016 and we will fail at being an innovative organization if we cannot live it internally. I do not want to be angry or resentful towards my boss who is an extremely nice person. So I have decided not to allow this situation to poison my attitude and choose gratitude over anger and resentment.

In the end, I recognize that it is not my organization to run. I have a good job and do interesting things, and get to work with some amazing people. In the end, I am very fortunate and am thankful for the opportunity and abundance that is in my life.

My lessons from this are to focus on all of the blessings that have come to me thus far, try not to get too frustrated about the limitations that have been placed in front of me, and not be disappointed about the fact that I will not be able to do as much as I had hoped. Somehow, someway I will still do amazing things.

Incredible opportunities are all around me, but in order to experience them I need let go of trying to control everything, and trust in the universe that everything will be OK.

I choose gratitude over anger and resentment

I choose love over fear

Why trying to find my passion led to distraction

For many years I was asleep.

Perhaps it was my brain simply trying to protect me from the hurts of the world, both past and present. Or perhaps it was just the”default” mode of operation that I ended up in after years of closing the doors and hiding from the truth of my life during that time.

In 2007, after having 2 beautiful children, 16 years of an unhappy marriage along with many many extra pounds of padding on my physical body, I began to wake up.

Now this is where my story really begins – because in my quest to live a more fulfilled and connected life,  I thought I was supposed to look for my “true calling” and “pursue my passion.” So I set off on a journey to do just that – and now here I am 9 years later feeling like I wandered down the wrong road. I cannot say it’s not difficult, at age 52, to realize all of those years are gone, and daresay wasted?

Fast forward to 2016. I read an article last fall about finding your passion – and why spending all of your time in pursuit distracts you from enjoying the now. #truth. I am over it…

This TED video about “multipotentialites” explains why I have been wondering down the wrong path.

Finally things are starting to make sense.

 

 

 

Thought for Today

11874975_10152930990360938_4802737218895865148_o“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.”
–Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Mantras

photo by jasleen_kaur via flickr creative commons

1| Let. It. Go.
2| Yes, I can.
3| The time is now.
4| Inhale love, exhale hate.
5| I am enough. I have enough. There is enough.
6| Quiet. Focus. Trust.
7| Breathe in peace, breathe out love.
8| Be true. Be kind. Be present. Breathe.

Creating a certified back yard wildlife habitat

Anyone can do this – even if you live in an apartment with a balcony/patio! The National Wildlife Federation outlines easy guidelines to do this. Why? Because if enough people do this and pay attention, we will be able to make a positive impact on the ongoing negative assault on our wildlife, pollinators, and much more.

All you need to do is a few simple things like providing food, water, shelter (see list on the NWF website) and then fill out a form. You can then proudly display the sign. Better yet – get a few of your neighbors to do the same!

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