Monthly Archives: November 2005

Things my mother told me

My mother died when she was 48 years old. I was 21 when she left me, and I was still trying to figure out my place in the world (as I still am at 42), and I was angry for a long time about her leaving me with no one to look to for guidance and wisdom.

Looking back now I realize that in her own eccentric way, she did share much wisdom with me. It is all becoming very clear to me—now that I have children—the lessons and values she instilled within me. I look in the mirror now and I see her, I spend time talking with my children and I hear her. The things she taught me are now being passed along and hopefully will continue with my grandchildren and their children. It is inevitable we all turn in to our parents in one way or another—it’s simply a fact of life. Hopefully we can learn from their mistakes and forgive them for their imperfections and move beyond being pissed-off all the time the many things they did wrong.

My mother was an eccentric, off-beat, somewhat geeky, extremely compassionate, artistic and beautiful woman. Unfortunately she battled depression most of her life, which eventually got the best of her. In her own unique way, she found humor and joy in unusual places—and had a knack for imparting knowledge in somewhat alternative ways.

She had several common sayings, meant to teach me lessons, which are embedded in my memory. While most of them are pretty funny (and sometimes crass), they all have an element of truth and practicality to them.

1. “Scratch your ass and get happy”
She shared this special saying with my only when I complained too much. A simple-yet-effective statement. I use this on the job quite often.

2. “You’re big enough and ugly enough to take care of it yourself”
This comes in handy when you run in to somebody who never wants to take responsibility or do their own work. It was her way of humbling my sister and I to bring us back down to earth.

3. “Only boring people get bored”
I use this one regularly on my kids.

4. “If you misbehave, I will smear the walls with you”
This was most effective when I was little. The visual on this is pretty scary.

5. “Everyone makes mistakes, that’s why they make pencils with erasers”
A simple and practical way to remind us all that we are not perfect.

6. “There are only two things you should fear in life, God and the IRS”
A great reminder of what is really important—ain’t that the truth!

7. “Every woman deserves a good wife”
She tried to reinforce the fact that although men have their uses, what women really need is a good wife to help with the kids, cook dinners, do laundry and provide real emotional support. Very, very, wise.

Proof that I am no longer cool

In my teens and twenties, I was cool. I was fairly cute, liked to party, I was pretty popular and did fun but ‘cool’ things. I even drove a nice car. The down side was that I was not very mindful, nor did I stop to enjoy how fun it could be not to be so ‘cool’. Last week, after an evening of wine, conversation and storytelling with friends, they recommended that I blog about this.

Over the past several years, there have been signs. I should have paid closer attention, but now I fear it is too late. There is no going back now – I have to own up to the fact that I am quickly becoming an eccentric and somewhat geeky middle-aged woman.

Proof:

1. I fell out of a Metro bus
The demise of my coolness began at the age of 29, just before I was to be married. I used to live in the city and take the bus to work. Every morning involved a ritual of putting on my cutest clothing, heels, makeup, etc., in order to ‘primp’ for work. It was all good until that fateful day. It was one of those days when I was feeling extra cute and confident. I waited for the bus as usual and strutted down the aisle to find my seat. Once the bus arrived at my destination, I proceeded with confidence and swished down the aisle – the bus was packed and I was feelin really great. When I approached the steps at the front of the bus, my heel must have caught and the next thing I know I am flying out of the bus on to the sidewalk, right on my butt. All I can remember is the bus driver laughing and shaking his head, the door closing, and the folks lined up against the window laughing at me too. Needless to say, I was humbled by this experience.

2. I wore two completely different shoes to work
My excuses: it was early and dark. I didn’t realize it until I got into work that day (a 45 minute commute), but I had two completely different shoes – one blue with a regular heel and one black with a wedge heel. How embarrassing is that?

3. I paid for food at the drive-through and then forgot to stop and get the food at the next window
I went to McDonalds with my son – we ordered and paid for the food but I kept driving. My son tried to stop me but I just yelled at him and told him to shush because mommy had to concentrate on driving. He was just trying to tell me that I forgot to get the food. I had to go through again to pick up my food. UGGHHHH!!!

4. I drive a minivan with geeky tags
Last year I finally gave up. I drove a silver 2-door acura integra for the longest time. It started becoming a bit silly to fit 4 kids and an array of sports equipment and a large dog into that car. So last year, I bought a Honda Odyssey – my license plate holder says “frodo lives”. Yes, I am a minivan mom now and proud to be one (and I actually love my car). scary.

5. I brought my cordless phone to work thinking it was my cellphone
Every morning when I wake up, I put my cellphone, keys, and glasses in my purse. One morning at work, my husband called me to ask where I had put the cordless phone. In my haste I barked at him and said something like “I can’t believe you are calling me at work to bother me with this!!!”. On the way home, I reached in to my purse to make a call and instead of my cell phone, I found the cordless phone from my house.

6. I attend Harry Potter parties in costume
Do I need to explain this one any further?

7. I constantly yell at my son about listening to that stupid ‘rap’ music
It has been confirmed that I have turned in to my mother.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Giving during the Holidays

Buy Holiday cards from America’s Second Harvest and help end Hunger
» America’s Second Harvest

Purchase unique Gifts That Make a Difference
» OneWorld U.S. Holiday Gift GuideFrom a bag of fair trade coffee to a water buffalo for a family in India, buy gifts that make a difference this holiday season!

Donate food, time, money (or all of the above) to an organization that helps those who are in needOne idea is to minimize family gift-giving and focus on donating time, gifts, money to those in need. Adopt a family in need during the holidays (and all year-round) – contact your local homeless shelters, religious organizations, department of family services, etc. to find out how you can help. Give food, clothing, school supplies and more. Get your entire family involved and make it a special holiday season by putting your energy and time into helping those who cannot help themselves.

Some local organizations here in the Washington, D.C. area:

» Capital Area Food Bank
» The Arlington Community Shelter
» Homestretch
» Martha’s Table

Spend time with the elderly
» The Holiday ProjectAs people get older, it becomes harder to do many things we may take for granted, from walking to the store to opening a new jar of peanut butter. Senior citizens living alone or in group homes can also get lonely and bored, especially if they don’t have family members nearby. As a volunteer, you can do a lot to help the older residents of your community.

Get help figuring out what to do
» VolunteerMatchIf you are not sure what to do, this is a great website that can help you, and it’s really easy to use too. VolunteerMatch is dedicated to helping everyone find a great place to volunteer. This site helps you customize your volunteer profile, and matches you up with a variety of opportunities.

The many faces of ‘D’

Just going through photos and realized how much she inspires me.